Every day, I wake up with morning dread. My first thought is "oh, no." Clearly, disaster is looming. It's will strike as soon as I get out of bed. It's going to be bad, and it's going to last a very long time. Sure, catastrophe didn't happen yesterday, but that increases the chances it will crush me today.
It's time to confront this thing, Dawn. What are you so afraid of?
It's time to confront this thing, Dawn. What are you so afraid of?
- The toilet is going to back up all over the floor.
- The Muse will take one look at that, and go find a writer with newer plumbing.
- I’ll get into a fender bender, my car declared totaled at a replacement value of $217.50, and I'll have a permanent crick in my neck not covered by insurance.
- I’ll get the flu.
- I'll run out of gas (with a dead phone I forgot to charge) while driving in the woods by myself, trying to prove I'm not a wimp.
- Nobody will read this.
- I’ll die before I get the closet cleaned out, in which case I’ll come back in my next life already embarrassed.
- I’ll get arrested and have to pee in front of my co-jailbirds.
- It will snow while I'm driving in the woods by myself, (with a dead phone I forgot to charge) trying to prove I'm not a wimp.
- I’ll eat all the chips, Cheetos, and chocolate chip cookies I asked my husband to hide from me.
- My husband will figure out I know all the hiding places.
- A tornado will land on our house, and not completely destroy it, and we’ll have to sort through debris, clean up mold, and have ten years of insurance hassles.
- My health care plan will change, and the enrollment forms will be due by noon.
- I won’t get around to doing yoga, and consequently will be so stiff tomorrow I can’t get out of bed fast enough to avoid getting clobbered by the ceiling fan suddenly ripped from the ceiling by the sonic boom of a jet flying too low over our house.
- The CDC will declare that watching football every day is essential for the optimum health of white guys over seventy who live in Kansas City.
- My therapist will retire.
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