I always have crunchy granola for breakfast, right after showering with my usual body wash and slathering on my usual lotion. Last week CVS ran out of my usual deodorant, which comes in an easy-to-spot lime green bottle. I was forced to read labels in a search for the right combination: solid, invisible, unscented. It traumatized me plowing through the high desert-scented roll-ons and fragrant petunia blossom sprays. If they take my brand off the market, I'll have to stay home for the rest of my life.
CVS hadn't stocked my usual dental tape either, and I'm too set in my ways to switch to floss. The hygienist said if I don't use the tape, my teeth will fall out. Which might not matter, since I won't be leaving the house anyway because of my stinky armpits. Besides who needs teeth when crunchy granola's not on the menu? I'll just gum the scrambled eggs.